A Little Bit of Closure

January 27, 2016. The due date of the baby we were matched with. It’s a date that’s quietly been on our hearts and minds. A date that offered some closure.

Since the Saturday in October when we received the most tragic news of D loosing her baby, a lot of life has happened. Mostly good and happy life, but there have been moments of feeling disappointed, sad, confused, frustrated, etc. Each person in our family has worked through this loss differently. Even though the baby wasn’t growing in my tummy, she was growing deep into each of our hearts and there was so much joy and anticipation for her.

Dan and I feel like we grieved and processed through it all relatively smoothly and as best as we could. Audrey (2) seemed to understand a little bit and has been very matter of fact about it all. Evan (4) took it especially hard. For about 8 weeks, he asked the same very hard questions over and over, “Why did the baby die? Why did God let that happen? Was the baby’s mommy sick? Are we going to get another baby?” Sometimes the questions were asked while he was crying and upset and other times out of curiosity and very calm. He would (and sometimes still does) casually share with friends, teachers and family that our baby died. His behavior changed in some ways. Dan and I were not expecting this and it was difficult to work through and watch him sort it all out as best as he could. Praise God he seems to have gone through his own grieving process and is back to behaving to what we’re used to. To everyone who has offered an encouraging word, listened to us share about our experience and has prayed, we are so thankful for you! Thank you.

Snuggling “our baby’s” quilt.

From the updates I’ve received, D is doing ok. Trying to make good choices and has even expressed her desire to live for Jesus (yay!). Just recently our adoption coordinator gave D the quilt that was made for her, along with a couple of other gifts and notes we had for her. She was very emotional and grateful. As I think of and pray for D, my heart still aches. She has lived so much life in 24 years – there’s a lot to carry. My final gift to her is a prayer journal. I committed to journal my prayers for her from the time we received the news about her losing the baby until the baby’s due date. I believe the Holy Spirit led me in my prayers and in sharing Scripture with her. I desperately pray it’s another gift that will reflect the kindness and love of Jesus to her.

One reason why we chose to work with Adoption Center of Hope is because of their very strong emphasis in ministering to Expectant/Birth Moms/Families. Our desire to adopt goes beyond growing our family. We desire to see our baby’s birthmom’s life changed forever. As this relates to D, I firmly believe God brought her into our lives so we could be a vessel of Jesus’ love, compassion, hope and kindness to her. Although the loss of the baby hurts, if it’s purpose is so D forever lives her life for Jesus and knows His hope, then Praise God.

This adoption process has gone nothing how we expected. In addition to our experience with D, we said “no” to one adoption opportunity and pursued adopting a baby in our extended family. We’ve had very real moments of questioning God in this, feeling confused, being very disappointed, BUT we’re also learning what it is to wait, not just to wait… to wait well, in a manner that pleases to God. “Trust in the Lord with all your heart. Lean not on your understanding. Commit your ways to the Lord. And HE will direct your paths.” Proverbs 3. We believe God has led us to adoption and will continue down this road.

While we wait, we will trust in the Lord. We will pray for D. We will pray for the baby God has for family. We will hope in what God has for our family.

Blessings and thank you for taking the time to read about where we are at.

Love and Loss

With heavy hearts we share this update…

Last weekend, our adoption coordinator called with the tragic news that our birthmom, “D,” had lost her baby. She started feeling sharp pains and went into the hospital. There was no heartbeat, although two weeks prior baby had a strong, healthy heartbeat. Since she was so far along in the pregnancy, she had to deliver the baby. The unimaginable. The doctors had no explanation for the loss, but did say it was not related to drug use.

A little background on “D”…. She’s 23 (about to be 24 in a few days). Married, but separated for the time being. This was her fourth pregnancy – her 4 and 2 year old are in foster care, Baby #3 was placed for adoption last year and Baby #4 was intended to be placed with us at birth. Even though she’s married, she was unsure of who the father of Baby #4 was. “D” has battled addiction and as a result her older two are with a foster family. She is determined to be reunited with them and is going to great lengths to do so, including regular urine tests, being at scheduled visits with her kids/social worker and going through rehab. She was at rehab when she delivered baby and has gone back into another one since being discharged from the hospital.

“D” has experienced a tremendous amount of loss. Some of it due to her choices. Even though we don’t believe life circumstances justify choices, often times ones choices are a strong indication of their lives. And this is the case for “D.” She doesn’t have much and has been exposed to very little true and healthy love, thus seeking acceptance and value in other areas.

We have a great amount of compassion for “D.” We admire her for choosing life and choosing adoption for Baby #4.   Our hearts literally ache for her when we consider all she’s experienced in her short 23 years of life.

We don’t understand why God allowed this. But He did and we know that nothing comes into our lives without first passing through His hands. In our feeble attempt to make sense of all this, we wonder if the purpose of this baby’s life was to bring “D” into our lives and allow us to show her the kindness and love of Jesus in the midst of this devastation and confusion.

If God leads you, please pray for “D.” Please pray she places her hope and trust in Jesus. Please also pray she’d continue to resist drugs and be reunited with her little ones. My prayer for her is she’d find her acceptance, value and worth in Jesus.

We are heart-broken about not getting to meet this little one. We’ve been preparing and praying and dreaming of what life would be like with another little girl in our family. Evan and Audrey both talk about baby sister and have been anticipating her arrival with happiness and excitement. To acknowledge this sweet baby’s life, two identical quilts are being made. One for us and one for “D.” This baby will always be a part of our family, so the quilt will be our way of remembering her in our daily lives as we snuggle on the couch with it. We pray it will be a sweet reminder to “D” as well. We want her to know how much her baby means to our family and together we will remember her life.

Thank you, from the bottom of our hearts, for taking the time to read this update and for your support.   We continue to wait, remain hopeful and trust God with all the details as He grows our family through adoption.

MATCHED!!!

We are thrilled to share that an expectant mom has chosen to place her baby with our family!!! The circumstances suit our family perfectly and we couldn’t be happier!! Baby GIRL is expected to be born in January 2016. More details to come very soon! Thank you to everyone who has waited patiently with us and continues to show our family tons of love and support!

“My Mom Gave My Little Sister Away”

Last Wednesday, we had the honor and privilege of sharing about adoption during service at our church, Rocky Mountain Calvary.  After service, several people shared with us how adoption has touch their lives.   It was encouraging, refreshing and a huge blessing.

One particular interaction was especially meaningful.  A young man, a little rough around the edges, walked right up to us.  He had a quiet confidence about him.  Without even introducing himself, he immediately began to share his story.  “My Mom gave my little sister away.  It was the hardest thing I’ve ever seen her do.”  Then added more details, like how well his little sister was doing.  He got choked up as he shared about holding her in the hospital for 30 minutes without taking his eyes off of her, because he knew his sister would be going home with her adoptive family.  Dan and I were hanging on every word.  All of the noise and activity of the foyer disappeared.  Tears were filling our eyes.  Then he thanked us, “It’s good to see good families like yours adopting.”  He shared he’s been out of a job, so earlier that day he came in to the church looking for work and one of the facility managers paid him $20 to shovel some snow. He wanted to give it to us. This young man gave us every penny he had earned that day.  Talk about being humbled.  The most precious $20 ever – the widow’s mites.  All of the other stories shared that night were also very meaningful, thought-provocking and encouraging, but this young man made a lasting impression in our hearts.  Lord, bless this guy, meet him where he is and may He know your love in a deeper way each day.

Here’s the video of our “interview” with our Pastor:

Thanks, again, for taking the time to keep up with what’s going on with our adoption!

We’ve Completed Our Home Study!

We’ve completed a few milestones in our adoption!  Our parent profile and home study are complete, watch the video below for more details.