Love and Loss

With heavy hearts we share this update…

Last weekend, our adoption coordinator called with the tragic news that our birthmom, “D,” had lost her baby. She started feeling sharp pains and went into the hospital. There was no heartbeat, although two weeks prior baby had a strong, healthy heartbeat. Since she was so far along in the pregnancy, she had to deliver the baby. The unimaginable. The doctors had no explanation for the loss, but did say it was not related to drug use.

A little background on “D”…. She’s 23 (about to be 24 in a few days). Married, but separated for the time being. This was her fourth pregnancy – her 4 and 2 year old are in foster care, Baby #3 was placed for adoption last year and Baby #4 was intended to be placed with us at birth. Even though she’s married, she was unsure of who the father of Baby #4 was. “D” has battled addiction and as a result her older two are with a foster family. She is determined to be reunited with them and is going to great lengths to do so, including regular urine tests, being at scheduled visits with her kids/social worker and going through rehab. She was at rehab when she delivered baby and has gone back into another one since being discharged from the hospital.

“D” has experienced a tremendous amount of loss. Some of it due to her choices. Even though we don’t believe life circumstances justify choices, often times ones choices are a strong indication of their lives. And this is the case for “D.” She doesn’t have much and has been exposed to very little true and healthy love, thus seeking acceptance and value in other areas.

We have a great amount of compassion for “D.” We admire her for choosing life and choosing adoption for Baby #4.   Our hearts literally ache for her when we consider all she’s experienced in her short 23 years of life.

We don’t understand why God allowed this. But He did and we know that nothing comes into our lives without first passing through His hands. In our feeble attempt to make sense of all this, we wonder if the purpose of this baby’s life was to bring “D” into our lives and allow us to show her the kindness and love of Jesus in the midst of this devastation and confusion.

If God leads you, please pray for “D.” Please pray she places her hope and trust in Jesus. Please also pray she’d continue to resist drugs and be reunited with her little ones. My prayer for her is she’d find her acceptance, value and worth in Jesus.

We are heart-broken about not getting to meet this little one. We’ve been preparing and praying and dreaming of what life would be like with another little girl in our family. Evan and Audrey both talk about baby sister and have been anticipating her arrival with happiness and excitement. To acknowledge this sweet baby’s life, two identical quilts are being made. One for us and one for “D.” This baby will always be a part of our family, so the quilt will be our way of remembering her in our daily lives as we snuggle on the couch with it. We pray it will be a sweet reminder to “D” as well. We want her to know how much her baby means to our family and together we will remember her life.

Thank you, from the bottom of our hearts, for taking the time to read this update and for your support.   We continue to wait, remain hopeful and trust God with all the details as He grows our family through adoption.


  1. Dan, Erin and family,
    We are so sorry to hear of your loss. Haven’t recently gone through this in the loss of our granddaughter, we feel your pain. That life, though they never took a breath on this earth, matters deeply to God and obviously to you and your family. And that precious baby exists in Heaven. You will meet her one day, and we pray for your glorious reunion.
    In the meantime, you will be in our prayers as you deal with the loss and grief.
    All our love, The Michaels’ family

  2. Karen Lareau says:

    Dear Daniel and Erin,
    I’m so very sorry for the loss of this baby, and for the impact on your family and upon “D”.
    I think about her all the time and she is in my prayers. I love the idea of the matching quilts as a reminder of this precious life.
    ” All lives matter” to God, even the imperfect, even in difficult circumstances, even if unplanned. He will bring you through the disappointment,
    the confusion and heartache. In Heaven, there are no tears, only unspeakable joy, and we can rest in those thoughts.

  3. Craig and Dar says:

    Dear Dan and Erin,

    We are so sorry to hear of the loss of this dear, precious one. Thank you for sharing “D” story and for your compassion that covers her loss even in the midst of your own loss. How we pray that God does what only He can do through the tragedies of our lives to bring life out of death and light to the darkness. Please know that we are praying for you and for “D”

    May He keep you in His peace tonight,
    Craig and Dar

  4. I lost my child at 34 weeks. I delivered a beautiful baby girl, I named her Janis Vanessa.
    God is purposeful and everything passes through His hands. Trust His love for the birth mom. Trust His plan for you two.
    All things for His glory!

Speak Your Mind